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I experienced a horrible nervous breakdown at the age 29 in 1982. I was taken to a very serious psychiatric hospital where I stayed for 6 months. I haven’t figured out why they call it an “anxious breakdown” for 18 years. My nerves never gave up. I was able to feel my inner thoughts. I could touch my own arm and feel the sensation. How did nerves become so fragile? I realized that it wasn’t my nerves. It was my emotional defenses. My emotional guard. I became confused and worried about who I am. Fear was my new normal. Is it scary? It was terrifying.
I suffered from OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disease. It was a serious condition that I experienced as a child. When I had my full onset in 1982, my symptoms included basic OCD such as obsessions over harming others, washing, counting, and examining. The main sign was my fear of germs. I would never allow any person to touch me in fear of getting or passing germs.
The touch example provides a basic understanding of OCD Germs and Contamination Phobia. Contact me. I get anxious and wonder if there are germs in my arms. I’d start to obsess about how those magical germs may possibly harm me. The obsession or magical contemplating only leads to more. My interior dialogue continues to be fearful: “You touched mine.” I now have your germs. I can transmit germs to others by touching someone. They might get sick or even die simply because I was not careful. It’s my fault.
Do you find this sound absurd? It was. OCD isn’t a psychotic condition, it’s a neurotic disorder. It’s a ‘Worrying condition’ of current being. It is actually a collection of obsessions, stressing feelings, and compulsions that are all triggered by panic. It eventually leads to anxiety, stress, and panic. However, OCD can also cause irritation and perplexity.